Despite finally having the permission to live it up in retirement, I still find it hard to spend money on things I don’t truly need. A big part of building wealth has always been about endurance and suffering. The more we can withstand—long hours, delayed gratification, and the occasional investment blowup—the greater our odds of becoming wealthy over time.
On the other hand, if we constantly choose the easy path, life often becomes harder in the long run. And if we have children, they may end up bearing the consequences of our inaction.
Since my first full-time job in 1999, I’ve had the FIRE mentality baked into my psyche because banking hours were unpleasant. Even today, at 48, I can’t help but wake up before 5:30 a.m. after going to bed around midnight. My body still craves the hardship it endured at work, almost like an addict.
If I’m not up early doing something productive before my family wakes, I feel off. My internal Provider’s Clock keeps ticking loudly, not letting me sleep in.
The tension between providing and enjoying freedom is a battle I never expected to face after leaving the workforce. After years of discipline and sacrifice to retire early, breaking those habits has proven surprisingly difficult.
Suffering Is Relative
If you live in a developed country like the United States, your version of suffering might be sitting in traffic for an hour each way while wolfing down a double cheeseburger and a Diet Coke. Sure, you might get eaten first in the next zombie apocalypse because you can’t run an eight-minute mile, but at least you’ve eaten well. Now, so will they.
If you live in rural Cambodia, however, suffering might mean not being able to feed your family every day. Your children are malnourished, walking several miles to school in the scorching summer heat. Ironically, they’d probably survive that same zombie apocalypse because they’re used to hardship.
So if we find ourselves living in a developed country with all the modern conveniences, it’s only natural to grow soft.
Unwilling To Suffer To Get Better
The reason most of us don’t have flat abs and a chiseled chest is because working out requires too much suffering. Who has the time or energy after juggling work and family responsibilities? We all know that regular exercise helps us live healthier and longer lives, but screw it! Too much work.
The reason we haven’t mastered our favorite instrument by now is because excellence demands practice suffering—hours of repeating the same scales, chords, and tunes until our fingers ache and our mind wanders. It’s easier to let our guitar gather dust and play some Pandora instead.
Maybe the reason we don’t have better relationships with our children is because childcare takes tremendous patience and effort. It’s far easier to outsource our responsibilities to daycares, nannies, au pairs, and schools.
Or perhaps we’re not further along in our careers because networking and flattering people we don’t like is its own quiet form of suffering. We can’t bring ourselves to override our values for a promotion or a raise.
Life is suffering. The sooner we accept that truth, the freer, and maybe wealthier, we become.
How To Suffer More Easily And Grow Stronger
The key to accepting suffering is to endure it for someone else’s benefit. If you can do that, you can withstand almost anything.
Recently, I faced a dilemma: pay $1,448 for First Class to Honolulu or $448 for Economy — a $1,000 difference. The flight was on a Boeing 777-300ER, my favorite plane for this distance. The First Class seats are single-window, lie-flat pods with no neighbors. Luxurious.
After 30 years of saving and investing, I can afford it. My portfolio has lost 100 times that amount in a single day several times this year alone.
But I struggled with the decision because First Class doesn’t get you there any faster than Economy. Spending money to save time makes sense; spending money just for comfort is trickier.
Turning Suffering Into Purpose Through Family
When I checked United’s site, the $448 Economy seat turned out to be a teaser fare. To choose a window seat, I’d need to pay $59 more each way. Sitting in the middle seat for five hours isn’t torture, but it’s not fun either.
If the flight’s delayed or I get wedged between two plus size passengers spilling into my space, the trip could be miserable. Add on some heavy cologne or maybe some egregious BO, and suffering is a certainty. After 200+ work flights, I’ve had my share of those. At this stage, I’d much rather pay for comfort.
But as I debated, I checked my kids’ investment accounts and noticed my daughter’s custodial account was about $1,600 behind where my son’s was at her age. She’s three years younger, and roughly 17% of her account is in Amazon, which has lagged the S&P 500 and NASDAQ since 2020.
Immediately, the provider in me took over. I needed to fix this imbalance. Amazon firing ~30,000 of its employees to cut its bloat, sadly might not be enough.
Steps To Suffer For My Daughter
Step one: punish myself for picking the wrong stock by sitting in Economy for 10 hours round-trip. She relied on me to make good financial decisions for her, and I failed.
Step two: redirect the $1,000 First Class savings to her investment account.
Step three: find a way to save and suffer even more! Instead of saving $1,000 by booking Economy, I booked Basic Economy to save an extra $100, bringing the total to $1,100, which I invested for her.
I then transferred $1,100 to her and her brother’s Fundrise venture capital account instead of the S&P 500. $1,100 down, another $98,900 in contributions to go for both kids.
A week later, I got too annoyed that her portion of the account was still $500 short, so I went ahead and contributed another $500 to even it out. Now it’s on me to find ways to save that $500 by cutting back on a few wants.
For those wondering, Basic Economy likely means middle seat as you are assigned a seat last minute at the gate, only one small carry-on bag, and no options to change flights or sit with friends or family.
Related: Use Stock Market Downturns To Help Make Your Children Wealthy
Easier To Do Something For Someone Else
Most of us would do anything for the people we love. So if you want to grow wealthier, dedicate your effort — and yes, your suffering — to them. You’ll push harder, take smarter risks, and persevere through discomfort when the goal is to give your family a better life.
If you don’t have kids, channel that same drive toward the people or causes that matter most — your parents who sacrificed for you, your friends who always show up, or even a loyal pet who depends on you. Or maybe it’s a charitable mission that gives your saving and investing a deeper meaning.
When you attach purpose to your financial journey, discipline becomes easier, and wealth creation feels less like greed and more like gratitude in motion.
Sure, I’d love to stretch out and sleep peacefully in First Class on my next flight to Hawaii. But my daughter’s financial security matters more. Besides, just being able to fly to Hawaii midweek is already a privilege, given I don’t have work responsibilities. Perspective matters.
Related: Spoiled Or Clueless? Try Working A Minimum Wage Service Job As An Adult
Easiest Way to Regularly Suffer And Build More Appreciation
One of the simplest ways to remind yourself how lucky we are is by fasting. Since eating is a daily habit, voluntarily limiting food intake is a powerful reminder not to take abundance for granted.
Around 750 million people in the world face hunger, while about 2.4 billion experience food insecurity. Once you truly understand this and see it firsthand, you’re far less likely to waste food or overeat.
Fasting humbles you, sharpens gratitude, saves money, and improves health. Not a bad combination, especially when food prices are high or assistance programs risk interruption.
In a world where excess is easy, choosing restraint is a quiet act of strength, and a reminder of just how fortunate we really are.
Readers, what kind of suffering have you willingly taken on to grow your wealth? What psychological games or mental shifts help you embrace more discomfort to strengthen your health, relationships, and sense of fulfillment?
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